PernMU Forums

Randomly going through old logs today, home sick from work, here's a 'gem' for kicks and giggles from the summer of 2004:

At 23 Turns, 5 months, and 9 days old, NAME is a young man who will make you look at him at least twice when you walk by, and perhaps walk by again for another look. Far apart from his well toned and defined upper body on a 6 foot 2 inch frame, his hands are callused and strong, a sign of someone used to work and who doesn't shy away from it. His hair is dark, so dark it is almost black, though it looks as though it could be brown if the sun shined on it enough, and it's thick locks fall down, brushing the collar of his shirt, and sometimes making their way into his eyes, which are another story in themselves. Dark blue around the outside, the closer you get to the center, the more you see that the color has changed to a golden, a golden then actually seems to flash when the sun hits them just right. These eyes are never still. Not shifty, but observant of everything going on around him in a quiet, easy to overlook manner. His shirt is the blue of Harper Hall, neat and clean, with the smallest bits of white embroidery around the collar. His black pants are tucked neatly inside well worn but well kept knee high black leather boots. On his shoulder, proudly displayed, sits the blue and white knot of a Harper Hall Junior Apprentice.

We have power posing in a desc, contradictory hair color, bad grammar, and weird eye color not to mention strange eye behavior. /Lovely/.

I don't know if I'd really call this one too bad, aside from the sometimes odd grammar (and weirdly/incorrectly placed apostrophes) and the very first sentence.

Mind you, this is just because I've seen some other descs that definitely make you want to claw your eyes out with the nearest object that can do the job.

So... this one isn't bad because you've seen worse? That's a heck of a way of ranking.

Mind you, I've seen worse too, but this one is pretty bad. Four sentences on his hair and eyes, three for his clothing, and only two for his general build (6'2" with hottt sauce!) - yeah, that's pretty bad. I have no idea what this guy actually looks like. (He's still a junior apprentice at the age of 23? Dude. No way am I displaying that knot proudly!)

I think this person read too many Merry Gentry books - the eyes come across like Hamilton's fey, with colors that change from the outer edge of the iris toward the center in scientifically impossible ways. Crazy fey.

Yes, real people's eyes have some color change from the outer edge of the iris to around the pupil, but blue to gold(amber) isn't one of them. Sure, you might get amber alone, or blue alone, but not together - genetics just don't work that way. The only way to get amber is to have lipochrome in your iris, which is a distinctly different form of melanin compared to that which is present in blue and brown eyes. Amber eyes are a solid, golden hue, with no changes in tone. You can have hazel eyes with bit of amber, but no amber eyes with bits of anything else.

Science aside, this is not to say that I didn't write plenty of atrocious, contradictory descs in my early days, but I'm pretty sure I never had a character with multicolored eyes beyond, y'know, real colors like blue/green and hazel. But that's pretty much it.

I think I win on this one.

Verdant, vindictive and handsome hazel eyes stare out from a well formed masculine face. When you look at those eyes, they seem more green than the usual hazel mix, with gold and brown streaks here and there. His nose has just a bit of a hook to it, adding a regal look to match those vindictive eyes of his. He has full lips, a trait not normally found in men, but they look as if they might be tempting to taste and kiss worthy.This male has a strong, square jawline softened only by his other features. His eyebrows are thick and refined, and they have a regal arch to them when he's angry. Tall for his age, this man is a muscled, panther like figure with long, muscled, arms and legs. He is skinny, but not overly so. He has a muscled stomach that tapers to well defined hipbones and strong legs.. At his age, this boy has the look and carriage of a royal, but the decieving appearance is belied by the kind look that dominates his eyes most of the time. His jet colored hair has been cropped to his mid-back. He keeps this in a respectable runner-tail at all times, well, except for certain times. He is freshly shaven, something new for him. Bye bye goatee. He's deeply bronzed by the kiss of the sun, almost as if he's spent to much time in the warm embrace of it. It gives him the smooth and dark look of a southerner, but one can probably guess that he's never seen the south.

NAME is dressed in a nice pair of harper blue trousers and black boots. HIs top half is covered in a sleeveless white vest, which is slightly open at the chest. But, underneath the vest, is a white shirt that flares at the wrist. (But it's the guy tkind, not the girly flare! lol) This too, is slightly open at the chest, showing a hint of his muscular chest.

Vindictive-yet-gentle eyes, skinny-yet-panther-bodied. It's got all the fixings you could hope for with "kiss-worthy" lips to top it off. Every line is a precious gem unto itself.

Never said it wasn't bad at all, just said that it wasn't too bad. At least the guy/girl/whatever didn't rip a thesaurus to bits and pieces and can spell mostly everything correctly.

Now, CicadaDash's entry definitely has 'YOU KNOW YOU WANT THIS' written all over it.

Holy crap. I totally saw that vindictiveyetkind kissablylipped person a little while ago and just kind of stared. And then laughed and made my roommates read it.

Jesus fuck. Is that "lol! Not the girly kind!" line ACTUALLY IN THE DESC?

Yes.

Okay, that's wrong on so many levels...

I think that brings a whole new definition to 'waffling' in a desc.

Here's a winner. Honestly, I look at descs like these and wonder if anybody ever bothers to proofread, or look at themselves once they're created. There are times I pine for games that required approval before going on the grid, because then at least you had someone else reading your desc before you made an idiot out of yourself.

Barefoot, she is maybe a fraction of an inch over five feet tall. Naturally slender and almost unusually petite, with the slightite, with the slightest of curves that mark her body as female.Her skin is the color of chocolate. Her face is slightly oval shaped, which allows her hair to frame it, without covering her one sky blue eye and one amber eye, and though her face is almost perfect symmetrical, her nose is petite, like the rest of her. Her hair is black,closer to midnight blue in some lights,like a night without moon or stars; it is waist-length, and is somewhat wavy towards the outside.

In her hair is a set of white feathers, from a bird of sorts, they are tucked into two braids at the top of her hair. The braids themselves are simple twists of long black strands of hair, at the end of each are polished bone beads. Her eyebrows are neither too thin nor too thick, but are well defined and slender.Her body is very feminine her thin and slender body has gentle curves and a small bosom.

Her blouse is cream colored, with a bit elaborate embroidery around the neckline, with large bell sleeves.At her waist is a simple belt, nor more than a leather strap with a few holes, this helps to accent her smallish waist, She wears a pair of shapely pants, which are not exactly small, but cut to be well fitting, outlining her slender form.A pair of short ankle boots adorn her feet.

Where to start, where to start? Do you start with the mangling of the English language? The cruel and unusual dismantling of grammar and punctuation? Perhaps with her eyes, one BLUE and one AMBER? The awkward phrasing like 'her face is ... oval shaped, which allows her hair to frame it' or 'though her face is ... symmetrical, her nose is petite' or 'from a bird of sorts'? Of sorts? WTF is a bird of sorts?

If you'll all excuse me, I'll be over here in the corner, weeping softly.

Oh man, I know which character this is. The player seems really nice, but seriously, her desc -- and her RP -- are aaaalll over the place. Really glad I'm not the only one who noticed.

The sad thing is, I bet if she'd just proofread, or asked someone else to do it for her, it'd be 90% better.